I Create therefore I Am

If you are what you eat, are you what you do? I sell shoes but I don't really want to be defined by what I do for a living. Right now I'm writing, so does that make me a writer? If so, I'm also a singer, an actress, a comedienne, a photographer, and a painter. I prefer those lables.

I've started up painting again today, adding to a long abandoned partially started canvas that I've been waiting for inspiration for. The problem with me is the first brush stroke - after that it always gets easier. I'm a perfectionist who is far from perfect, and who is usually bitterly disappointed with the imperfect results.

The thing is, my paintings never look like the picture I've got of them in my head. That image is perfect and flawless, and I'm an imperfect flawed human being, so I'm coming to terms with the fact that they will never look like my ideal. If I look at them from that point of view, they're almost a living thing, like a child that you create in your image, but has a will of their own and go off on tangents you could never have imagined.

At this point in time, my 'children' are wild and untrained, kind of like the dodgy neighbour's kids that you wouldn't want playing with your children because they'll teach them bad habits and give them cooties. My plan this year is to get back into painting lessons so I can have the necessary skills to train my 'children' to behave themselves and be the model of propriety (letting them off the leash every now and then to run free), so that the vision in my head and my actual ability to create what I imagine come that little bit closer. My painitng teacher is in Thailand at the moment, but I'll be starting back as soon as he gets back to Brisbane.

Another Jacqstar Creation is just around the corner, I can feel good things on the way!